I believe the guilt I felt from blowing nearly all of inheritance money propelled me to reconsider getting gambling addiction help. I decided I did not need recovery and I continued gambling I got progressively worse. I believed that I really did not have a problem like “those people” because really the only person I had hurt was myself and I had not lost “everything”. In 2018, I went to my first recovery meeting and placed judgment on everyone in the room. Nothing mattered anymore and I was comfortable accepting the fact that this gambling addiction was going to destroy me. I neglected all my financial responsibilities, only paying creditors when things were about to be “shut off” or bills sent to collection agencies. My health suffered both physically and mentally. I let most of my relationships deteriorate, isolating myself from most social situations. Gambling filled the void in my heart, and it became my identity. I was broken both spiritually and emotionally. A few years later, my sister, dad and mom passed away within 4 months of each other. I felt helpless and completely out of control. Gambling had become an escape from this new reality I had to face. My father also had a host of his own medical problems and the stress of being their primary caregiver took its toll on me. My beloved mother was diagnosed with stage 3 uterine cancer and I was utterly devastated.

I believe deep down I knew I had a gambling problem, but I felt I could stop on my own if I really wanted to.Ģ012 was a pivotal year into the descent of my gambling addiction. I just wanted to be in action, the money did not matter. At this point, I began lying about where I was going my tolerance for winning/losing became exceedingly high. Eventually I started taking trips to the casino on my own and my love of gambling soon became an obsession.

In those early days, I was smart with my winnings paying off credit card debt and an auto loan over a short amount of time. It was fun and something we did as a family. These trips to the casino together became a frequent occurrence over the years. Winning was the worst thing that could have happened to me because I was immediately hooked. I remember feeling completely exhilarated from winning so much money with seemingly little effort. On the way out, I had placed $20.00 into a machine and hit for $1200. I was in absolute awe of the sights and sounds of the gaming room floor I was especially fascinated with the variety and simplicity of the slot machines. My parents had decided to celebrate the occasion with a trip down to the Claridge Casino in Atlantic City. My gambling addiction story began on my 21 st birthday.

Gambling addiction atlantic city